It’s been a while since I’ve written. I have to admit, I’ve really struggled lately to stay focused. It is easy to slide into a funk when the busyness and chaos of life edge their way in. And I don’t mean to imply “bad” things have happened. Actually, some really good things have been going on. In April, my small “band of brothers” and I hosted another LIFEQUESTweekend Retreat (a 3-day Retreat for men, a place for them to come and focus and replenish and recalibrate for the journey ahead). It was an amazing, truly amazing weekend. And, since then I’ve spent a lot of time around family and friends, rebuilding and strengthening bonds. These are really good things. But with these things it has come a whirlwind of activity. And, I’ve struggled to create space. . . . s p a c e . . . r o o m for my heart.
If you’ve read any of my previous blogs, you’ll remember how I struggle with this… and how I believe we ALL struggle with this.
On my drive to work today, listening to “The Daily Audio Bible” podcast, I began taking a look at where my heart is. And I found myself in confusion. I felt sort of like when you first wake up… you feel groggy, hazy, slow. The light hurts your eyes and you can’t think clearly. You know there is a world of really important things waiting for you, but it seems distant. In those first 15 minutes of waking, everything feels distant… off the radar. Family — yes they are around, sleeping maybe — but “relationship” is a remote assumption, not experienced. Friends — nowhere to be seen — they too are an assumption. Work — a foregone conclusion. And God — yes He exists — somewhere. In those early moments all I know and believe feels distant, almost unimportant. But they are the MOST important things. And back in my car I can’t wrap my heart around all of it. So, my thoughts turn to things easy to hang on to… a hobby I’m enjoying… a book I’m reading… a project I’m working on at work. Tangible things. Oh how far my heart has drifted… that life is boiled down to the tangible, practical. This is a rift I must mend. But, I’m unsure how to “wake up” from my sleep.
My prayer is simple: Jesus, help me find you. I surrender myself again to You.
And I’m instantly reminded of something I knew once, not so long ago. I’m reminded of LOVE. Yes, Love. The point of it all. Jesus called me back to Love. He reminded me of all He’s shown me over the last few years, all I’ve written about it. He reminded me of how it looks and what it tastes like. How have I forgotten this?! How has this subtle shift taken place, this change of balance? How was I not even aware of it… not aware of the effect of the busyness and ambition and indifference and entertainment and wandering? And so, when I didn’t know what else to do, where else to turn, He reminded me that Love is the point. I needed to hear that.
I can sense clarity returning. I have a starting point again. Its like I can feel the firmness of this foundation under my feet. I plan to go back and re-read what He’s shown me. Read my journal. Read my previous postings. And begin to open myself up again to love. And from that starting point, I’ll begin, again. (I love this about God, that life is filled with a thousand wonderful “begin again” moments.)
How about you? How’s your sense of balance? Has busyness crept in? Could you use a little clarity? What simple idea might God be calling you back to? What “simple prayer” might be helpful? (Pause and utter the words right now.)
Finding I’m only a prayer away from beginning again,
PS. If you would like to read more, here are a few links to some past entries I’ve posted about Love.
If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love. (1 Cor 13:3) This is a sobering thought for me — that I can live around people… do good… keep busy… make things happen… accomplish great things… have good intentions… and all without even noticing I’ve done it lacking love. Oh how I need this reminder again and again of the point of it all.
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